I am exhausted.
If my 6 month absence has not yet suggested as much, I have been going through it. I say that as if most people are not...
The truth is, we are all struggling. The unfortunate thing is, I am learning that life is simply a constant cycle of struggling, growing, overcoming, and repeating. I know, just a bit pessimistic. But it is the truth.
I've lived a very short span of 21 years on this planet, and within that time I have experienced an unbelievable amount of "character tests." Now, I've decided to refer to them as such because I do not take struggles or setbacks to be a negative thing. In fact, I believe those seasons of our lives are the ones that teach us our greatest lessons and force us to do the uncomfortable work of growing that we so often try to avoid. Yeah, it hurts like hell and when you're going through it, it feels as though you are drowning in a torrential rain storm. But, once the clouds clear, and the sun starts to peak through, you notice that you are standing just a few inches taller. That your leaves are no longer wilting, that you're facing towards the sky and that you are finally being nourished by the soil you have decided to root yourself in.
Now, that is growth.
It took me a long time to realize that if the soil I chose to grow in and expected support and nourishment from was contaminated, then I could never develop into my full self. Let me say it in simpler way. If the community you have chosen is not choosing you, you will never see the sun. Your days will be clouded by endless judgement and self doubt. Constantly believing that you are not worthy. Not worthy of taking up space, taking up time, or even being heard. But your voice matters. You should take up space. And not just the little square that is allowed to you, but every inch the world has to offer. Extend your branches as high and as wide as possible; and make sure everyone is forced to see and hear your beautiful and powerful presence.
"Being unapologetic means that I will be ALL of me. I will no longer shrink or compromise myself by playing small so others will not feel insecure in my presence." -Lisa Nichols
I know that I am worthy and I have decided to start acting like it. God did not create me to be small, to go through life unnoticed or be anything less than extraordinary. I was made to stand out and to radiate His beauty through every essence of my being.
I was made to grow, and to help others do the same.